Madonna - Music that created the effect of a US bombing campaign

Madonna, known for her ability to pray and bench press her bodyguard ‘Big Tone’, has died today due to swallowing her strangely feminine foot while trying to master an obscure yoga move. The position involved slicing off her foot, temporarily, and putting it in her mouth. An ancient practise developed by the late Victorians, it is said to alleviate the desire for food. Madonna, 70% muscle when she passed, was widely reported to be in an almost constant state of hunger, like the homeless but without the taste or the sense of community.
Madonna’s death has affected many people. People across the nation struggled to hold in their grief, pretending to smile, punch the air, bellow high-pitched obscenities and buy a round of doubles for the local pub. When asked how he felt about the Madonna’s passing, one punter said, ‘Buy me another fwarcking drink an’ I’ll tell ya.’ This reporter agreed and that is all he wants to say about that evening.
Madonna rose to fame by beating an angular Sean Penn into a more symmetrical shape. Penn went on to have an outstanding movie career, where he drew on his pain from his relationship with Madonna, to play roles such as a child abuse victim and a pussy- whipped psychopath. Rumours spread, and impressed music execs, who said in a public statement, ‘She’s brassy. She has hair in the right places. I’d like to….’ It seems Mafioso music enthusiasts have a taste for tough women and she was quite willing to, ‘get medieval,’ she boasted ‘so I can fight injustice,’ while sipping a can of Tennants from a brown paper bag.
Madonna was notorious for her many image transformations. The media was impressed by her ability to dye her hair and change her clothes. One time she wore a cowboy hat, at all other times she seemed influenced by broken girls loitering on the streets of Soho illuminated by green and red neon lights from cult bookstores. In the new millennium some have controversially implied they expect more from a musician than make-up.
It was only when she turned forty and noticed parts of her body turning a primary yellow colour with hints of squishy black, did she experience a sense of her own mortality. So she joined a religion so obscure she could be its enlightened figurehead, who performed peculiarly compelling, but ultimately meaningless, shows to hundreds of thousands of hysterical followers, just like the real messiah. Its headquarters was someone’s uncle’s tie-dye carpet shop in suburbs of Tel Aviv, and even the All Seeing Eye had overlooked it, as it sold pricey and poorly made Bulgarian throes.
Madonna has led a controversial career. In many of her shows she lies on a bed and masturbates with a crucifix while her head rotates 360 degrees and vomits green bile. In other disturbing shows she sings a medley of all her songs. Audiences seem to enjoy her work, but this is a confusing world of almost constant war, genocide and high taxation leading to a wider gap between rich and poor.
Madonna will chiefly be remembered as someone who chewed on her foot and died because of it. But she also left a deep imprint on English culture by forcing Guy Ritchie to act like a cockney, who then made dark introspective movies about cockneys which in turn destroyed the UK movie industry.